I remember the day, like the day John Kennedy was shot, that I quit believing in god. The day was October 18th, 1967. We were coming out of the jungle onto the savanna when an ambush cut off our rear. We lost our entire second and a large part of our third platoon in a matter of a few minutes. One marine I pulled from the bush had both his legs blown off at the hip. I held him in my arms and watched his eyes as the last light of his life slowly faded away to darkness. I listened to him as he drew his last breaths. He wanted to know why god would allow this to happen to him. God was supposed to keep him from harm. God would never give him more than he could handle. God would intervene on his behalf and save him. God, however, did not show up on this day that only a god could have made a difference. As such, this marine's name, as well as the others around him, are now etched on a black slab of stone in Washington DC as an eternal reminder to me of why I believe what I believe. That marine died believing god had abandoned him. At the time, I could not think of a more horrible way to die. Even in this man's death, God offered no consolation.
. . . To me, one of the puzzles of military boot camp was that church was required as part of training. How is it, I asked myself, that a philosophy that included the words “Thou Shalt Not Kill” should be part of the curriculum of an organization, being the military, whose business it is to kill? On October 18th, 1967 I found an answer to that question. If we as young men did not believe that god was on our side, if we did not believe there was an afterlife better than the life we currently lived, and if we did not believe that we were doing god’s will by making the world safe for Christianity, perhaps we would not have chosen to come to this place. Perhaps we would have stayed home and many of those 58,000 men would still be among us today.
. . . So I began to observe religions and began questioning their purposes. In front of our base camp at Quang Tri was this huge Catholic Church. The local population was poor beyond any measure of what I, being raised in one of the world’s riches country, had imagined possible. I had to ask myself who then built this Church and for what reason? Of course, the French built that church and I suspect the reason was to get these local people to accept the French as their rulers. I imagine that the phrase “Render onto Ceasar that which is Ceasars” or “Submit to those who have rule over you” were common sermons in that church.
. . . As a medic I was often hauled into the villages of Vietnam to treat the public. The mission was to win the hearts and minds of the people. One instance that I remember was a lady who came to me and wanted me to help her child. So I followed her to find a child hidden on the brink of starvation. Parents are not proud to admit that they have not the means to take care of their children. About then these Buddhist Monks entered the village and the lady instantly grabbed up her child, ran to them, and pleaded with them to help her child. So these Monks gathered around, ran through this strange routine, burnt some incense, and prayed. At the end of that display, they proceeded to help themselves to whatever food this woman had available, and left. In my mind these monks did nothing but console the woman and took what the child needed most, the family’s food. For the first time in my life, I saw religion for what it is, a con job.
. . . From Vietnam forward I looked at religion, not as a source of salvation, not as some undisputable truth, but rather as propaganda and lies, created by either in power or religious leaders to serve those in power or religious leaders themselves. I see that truth reflected everywhere in our society today. I do not believe in god and I believe that I have earned that right to say so. And in this country that I fought for, in this country that claims people may believe what they choose, I should not have to suffer intimidation, harassment, or be discriminated against because I have discovered there is no god. Walking into public, I should not have to show respect for the legends and myths in which I do not believe.
David L Johnson